“Marcus is tired of losing those he loves. The last shred of his childhood has been uprooted and he feels alone… again. When the ruler's new policies take effect, the anger of the Rusalkan mountain king is unleashed upon the borderlands.
With refugees streaming into Elira by the hundreds, the stories from the wall are horrific. Marcus joins a convoy to lend his medical skills to those in need at the Eliran border. What he finds there is about to change his life forever.
Dilara’s life as a slave in Rusalka was anything but idealistic. Consumed by a system that was designed to use, abuse, and discard the likes of her, she has been taken through the very depths. Carrying a traumatic secret and wounded in her frenzied escape, she finds herself with an unlikely protector and an even more confusing relationship. Can she traverse the waters of this new life and make it her own?
And can Marcus overcome his own deformities to find the one missing piece? Or will his life forever be marked by suffering and sacrifice?”
Series: Book #2 in “The Chronicles of Elira” series. Review of Book #1 Here!
Spiritual Content- Many Scriptures are quoted, remembered, mentioned, & discussed; Many prayers, talking to God, praising God, & thanking God; Lots of witnessing to others; Many, many talks and discussions about God, Jesus, beliefs, listening to God’s voice which is true, having worth, God always being with us, some believing that God isn’t doing anything for some people, & giving our burdens to God; 'H's are capital when referring to God; God talks and whispers to both Marcus & Dilara (usually Scriptures changed to be as if God was saying it to them); Marcus has a deep faith, but at the beginning feels like God is distant after hearing some distressing news, he rebels against the desire to talk to his Maker (he feels guilt about this shortly later); A man says that status matters to everyone, “even the Lord” and Marcus has a discussion with him about God and witnessed to him; Both Dilara and a side character say a prayer along the lines of “if there is a God out there”; Marcus prays “in the Spirit” and keeps a small Bible with him always; Marcus cries out to God about feeling like his life is a waste and full of “nothingness” for Him (also thinking for the majority of the book that anyone else could do what he does; He surrenders these feelings to God, but they come back again); Dilara feels so voided of feelings, she wonders if she is in Heaven (which would be a “mad trick of fate”) or in hell (but “where was the fire?”); Dilara thinks that Marcus’ God was not the One she knew as the one she knows of is “distant” and turns “a blind eye to the pain of mere mortals” & that perhaps she was too dirty for Marcus’ Lord to care about her; *Spoilers* Towards the end, Dilara hears an evil voice (her captor) saying lies and another says for the evil to be gone in Jesus’ name which clears her head to hear God’s voice; She tells God that she is His and to take her; Dilara feels the emptiness in her womb close up and knit together, missing the baby but healing; She starts reading the Bible; When Marcus talks negatively about himself and not doing anything, Dilara vehemently tells him that she is here because of how God has used him, which makes him realize that he has been believing lies about himself *End of Spoilers*; Dilara looks at Marcus’ eyes as if “those eyes were the only link to Heaven she knew. Like a portal to world she only wished she could live in”; Many, many mentions of God, Jesus Christ, & believing in Him; Many mentions of prayers, praying, answered prayers, & praising God; Mentions of those & events in the Bible; Mentions of Heaven; Mentions of miracles; Mentions of godsends; A handful of mentions of Violet (Book #1) and her family having the gift of premonitions or second sight (also said that one seemed to have “the ability to see into the spirit world”); A few mentions of blessings (which some see as curses); A few mentions of sins & sinners; A mention of Christian duty; A mention of hymns;
*Note: The word ‘hell’ is used in describing places and events (such as Marcus’ healing years being his own version of “a living hell”, slavery being “a hell of man’s making”, Dilara currently living in a “living hell” and later referring to it as that again, & a storm sounding like the “very gates of hell were threatening to burst” with the howls of wind); “Good heavens” and “mercy me and saints above” are both said once; A wolf is around Dilara and the eyes are described as “something…otherworldly” and “almost…heavenly” (at first Marcus is concerned about it, but then feels peace about the wolf and knows that God has a purpose in it, thinking about the verse about entertaining angels unaware and later about the she-wolf being an “angel of comfort”); Mentions of evil men & the evil look in their eyes; A few mentions of Marcus’ tea being like a “witch’s brew” according to a side character (very herbal); A couple mentions of a song about pagan beliefs; A mention of Dilara having a feeling inside of her that is like a caged demon; A mention of a storm being like a “demon unleashed”; A mention of a man being “no better than a demon”; A mention of a siren call; A mention of a story about a mermaid.
Negative Content- Minor cussing including: a ‘what in blazes’, two ‘blasted’s, two forms of ‘stupid’, and three forms of ‘idiot’; Eye rolling; Feeling near death & fighting it (up to semi-detailed); Major pain, Injuries, Blood/Bleeding, Fevers, Frostbite, & Passing out (semi-detailed); Being attacked, almost abducted, hit, & slapped (plus recalling some of this, up to semi-detailed); Doctoring others (up to semi-detailed); Seeing deaths & grieving (including of an infant and grieving a pet disappearing, up to semi-detailed); Hearing a fight between a man and a wolf & the animal being injured (up to semi-detailed); Dilara was sold as a child (eight years old) to a man (which was her father’s doing and her mother told her to do whatever the man says as it “will go easy with” her that way); Marcus was attacked and beaten as a boy which resulted in his hip being disjoined and many broken bones & since then has been in a lot of pain often and struggles with feeling like a burden; Many, many mentions of pain, injuries, blood/bleeding, passing out, frostbite, broken bones, surgeries, & Marcus doctoring others (up to semi-detailed); Many mentions of wars, refugees, fighting, attacks, assaults, violence, beatings (including Marcus’ own as a child, up to semi-detailed); Mentions of deaths (including the deaths of infants, up to semi-detailed); Mentions of slavery, slaves, slave owners, being chained, & people being sent to the mines and never heard from again; Mentions of lies & lying; Mentions of hatred; Mentions of gossip; Mentions of nightmares; A few mentions of drowning men (used as a simile); A couple mentions of murderers (Dilara views herself as one); A couple mentions of executions; A couple mentions of a man choking Dilara; A couple mentions of people being whipped; A couple mentions of raids; A couple mentions of alcohol & drunks;
*Note: Marcus feels like he is a burden to those around him and useless (others tell him that is not the case, but he struggles to believe it; This is a major part of the book and though Marcus knows the truth, he doesn’t live by it every moment); Marcus overhears someone say that it would have been “easier” if Marcus had died and “not experience such a harsh life”; Marcus wonders if he was the cause of someone’s death (who interfered with the authority figures during his beating) & thinks that he should have died that day; Marcus tries not to linger in his self-pity but does think less of himself & call himself a cripple; *Spoiler* Towards the help, Marcus realizes that he has been believing lies about himself *End of Spoiler*; Dilara (in a flashback after being sold) wonders if she should burn herself and if that would make her seem less desirable to the men at the bordello; *Spoilers, but note about a miscarriage* The man who bought Dilara and got her pregnant gave her a poison to cause a miscarriage/stillbirth; She was unaware and feels incredible guilt for being unable to protect her child; Later, she calls herself a murderer because she couldn’t keep her baby in her womb; The miscarriage is described with her desperately trying to keep the baby inside of her, extreme pain, blood, and a “tiny form” (up to semi-detailed on the pain, blood, and emotions); She has phantom cramps and feels her womb empty; Towards the end when Dilara accepts God, she feels the pain in womb closing up and knitting together (healing) *End of Spoilers*; Others tell Dilara that she is worthy of love (which she doesn’t believe); Dilara has an episode similar to a panic attack (up to semi-detailed); A young boy has prejudice towards those from a certain country & voices it (stemming from his town being raided by the people & Marcus talks to him about it); A mention of some people having broken minds.
Sexual Content- A cheek kiss, a not-detailed kiss, and two barely-above-not-detailed kisses; A bit of touches, embraces, smelling, & noticing (barely-above-not-detailed); In the author’s forward at the beginning of the book, she shares that this book has a Trigger Warning for mentions of a miscarriage, implied/forced abortion, abuse and implied sexual assault/prostitution and did her best to write “these stories as tactfully, gently, and realistically as possible, all while maintaining a level of decorum that will allow this book to be enjoyed by many ages.”; Dilara was sold to a man at a young age (eight years old) by her father & there are flashbacks to it (including comments about men treating her like brutes, men using her, making obscenities and crass comments, the men’s eager hands trying to grab her, & the man who bought her “saving” her for something); Later, it’s said that the men treated Dilara and other girls like they weren’t human and wallowed in something that “should never have been theirs to begin with”; Towards the end, Dilara is described as “the girl who had been trained from so young an age that she was worth nothing but what her body could give”; Dilara is concerned that two men touched her when she was unconscious and then has a look of “resignation” (they did not touch her); *Spoiler* The man who bought Dilara at an age young was saving her for himself; She got pregnant and he gave her a poison to cause a miscarriage; She curses “the man who had made her what she was, who had given her the life inside of her…only to snatch it from her grasp before it could even live” and says that she had “outlived [her] usefulness to them. They had already taken the one thing from [her] that provided the most value.”; Past the half-way point, the man comes for Dilara and drags her to take her back with him and also gropes her (this could be scary for some readers, though she is saved in time, up to semi-detailed) *End of Spoilers*; Dilara is suddenly concerned that a man will betray her (taking a step back and being frightened by him); Marcus believes he is too broken for anyone to love, also thinking that he couldn’t keep up with a child of his own or a wife; Dilara doesn’t believe anyone can love her because she is unworthy of it and dirty (adding later that God could not make her beautiful and Marcus tells her that none of it was her fault; *Spoiler* She comments about maybe not wanting to heal because she would have to let go and move on from her son; Marcus disagrees with that thought *End of Spoiler*); Mentions of a bordello, prostitution, & young girls being sold; Some love, falling in love, & the emotions;
*Note: Miscarriage content listed in the Negative Content Note section above; Labor (*Spoiler* twice, one with the miscarriage and one at the end with her child with Marcus which is bittersweet for her, up to semi-detailed for both with mentions of her pain and him helping deliver the baby *End of Spoiler*); A mention of a woman’s monthly bleed.
-Dilara
-Marcus, age 20
P.O.V. switches between them
332 pages
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Pre Teens-
New Teens-
Early High School Teens-
Older High School Teens-
My personal Rating-
{Trigger Warning for a miscarriage, forced abortion, abuse, & sexual assault/prostitution}
Ever since reading “Once I Knew”, I’ve been excited to read Marcus’ story. While I really enjoyed all the herb parts as that’s something I’m highly interested in, I was most excited to see this sweetheart learn and accept his worth in Christ. He’s so quick to have Scriptures come to mind and believes in them for others, but it’s hard for him to apply every single one to his own life and I think that’s incredibly relatable.
I knew that with the topics discussed in this book, I would probably end up crying. Maybe it was because I had prepared myself enough, but I didn’t cry as much as I expected. I have to note that I really appreciate the heads up on the content at the beginning of the book and wish more authors would do this! Serious and possibly triggering topics like the following are discussed: mentions of miscarriage, implied/forced abortion, abuse and implied sexual assault/prostitution.
My heart broke for the injustices and horror that Dilara has lived through. We’re told bits and pieces in a delicate way, but it never felt like we were wading in the sin or that the author was glamorizing it all, which I truly appreciate.
This definitely isn’t your typical romance book. Both of our main leads are so hurt. Marcus is quick to comfort others, but hard on himself and struggles with why God has left him on this earth when he feels like a burden to everyone around him. He notes at one point that “it was one thing to believe the things he knew to be true and another to truly life that belief” and I have to appreciate how realistic that was because I think many of us are guilty of doing the same thing.
It could have very easily gone into the “savior” trope of our male lead rescuing and saving the main girl from whatever circumstances she’s in. I don’t care for seeing that trope because often times the male lead ends up replacing the girl’s need for Jesus. This book wasn’t that way at all—Marcus recognizes Dilara’s hurt as he is also someone who has been hurt. They both need Jesus and that’s the majority of the book. It was really nice to see the “romance” (which was very soft and light) take the back-burner to what was truly life-or-death—their salvation and hope in Christ.
Despite being a book featuring harder topics, this was an easy book to read in the way of the pages flying by as I read. I will note that there’s a few flashbacks that are intertwined in that took me a bit to realize they were flashbacks because they didn’t make sense for the current time and so I was a bit confused about what was happening. Time moves quickly in this story, similar to the first book in the series.
Some might be uncomfortable with the mentions of a wolf being seen as otherworldly, but it’s clear that the wolf is sent from God or even an Angel in disguise rather than a the “spirit guard/spirit guard” concept that isn’t Christian. I wasn’t sure what to think about it at the beginning, but I appreciate that the author clearly states a few times that the wolf is from God.
Older teens & adults, if you’re ever struggled with the thought of not being useful to others or not understanding why God has you here, this might be a book to seriously consider reading. Marcus has these thoughts ever since he was attacked and beaten as a young boy and it’s a common thread throughout his parts and him taking to God about it. Scripture after Scripture comes to his mind to assure him that God has a plan for him and it was touching to see. Overall and despite the hard topics, I really enjoyed this book.
See y’all on Friday with a new review!
*BFCG may (Read the review to see) recommend this book by this author. It does not mean I recommend all the books by this author.
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